Madrehood,  My Writing

Random and Mundane #4: Ouch

Ouch

Rejection and criticism in small doses still hurt.

This entire week was a big blur. I checked my e-mails constantly. Every time my husband Javier left the house I started to fall into catastrophic thinking.

What did I do wrong? What if I do something wrong? Future self, could you please stop me from making any stupid decisions?

And lose perfect writing material? As if. That’s what I imagine my future self saying.

Pain fuels inspirational words.

I started to tell myself that anytime I feel hurt, I’m allowed to say, “Ouch.” I can say it in English, Spanish, or Japanese. Doesn’t matter. As long as I take the half of a second to acknowledge that my feelings have been hurt.

And then I move on. If I keep going, I know that I can heal.

It’s not like people intend to hurt me. My mom may offend me by telling me I should “get a real job” or my sister may upset me by not agreeing with my opinions. It’s OK to disagree.

If I could have it my way, I’d stay in a little box all my life and never go outside of it. I’d never talk to anybody. Truth be told, I’m very much a person who likes to stay by herself. I also love being around people. Especially my son Chris. He’s adorable.

I remember a woman saying this in group therapy: why can’t I just be?

Existence is pain, desire is pain. I don’t mean to get all philosophical; I just remember hearing those ideas from somewhere.

Well, I’ll never have to go through this week ever again. I can put it down in my books as the past.  

Trilingual copywriter and translator raising her biracial baby trilingual. I love raising awareness about diversity in the writing world. I'm also a tea snob who talks way too much.

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